well another day off, sadly i had split days off, and this is my last day for the rest of the week. i slept in, woke up, made coffee and cooked breakfast. It felt good. I wish i had all my mornings like this. So calm and serene. Now that i satisfied myself with a nice morning, i am going to the gym, and do one of my routines. Later i am finally going to meet up with missy who i havent seen in ages. I miss people. And i hope to visit with all my friends as much as i possibly can. Even more so because i am now single. Lonely? maybe. Social? always. Hope everybody has a good day.

~mel

ok, so last night i promised my roommate derrick that i would make him dinner tonight. the entre for tonight is burgers with deer meat, yeah thats right deer meat! i have never tried or made burgers with this kind of meat. it already smells gamie. ah well, i guess with a little salt and pepper all is well. at the moment i am getting myself liquored up in case this meal does suck!!! lol wish me luck all you carnivors! sorry ashley d. its only an experiment. you do remember the comment about me and human meat, this shouldnt be anything as bad. love you all!

mel

my god, how does work get so horribly exhausting. my body is taking so much beating. i am getting pretty good money, but shit, is it worth it for me to be all bent and broken over. so if anyone knows of a pretty good job and massage therapist, ya let me know! anyways, i am lonely once again, the ex doesnt want to date anymore. i dont know what the hell she wants from me, i give up, it's to the point where if she wants to hang out, i am going to wait for her call. i am tired of trying to make it work, i dont feel she ever gave her part in this 2nd round relationship. i love her to death, but it looks like she has other priorities that i keep getting in the way with. If it wasn't for me going to the gym, i dont know how i could release such emotions. This way i can work my problems out with sweaty hot females doing the same thing (at least i would like to think they are!) The gym is so theraputic, i love it! i do commit myself to it. I need to commit to my friends as well. About all, friends will always be there no matter what, and that's a great feeling to have. Since i worked all day, and i went to the gym, i think i am going to go out for a little bit, and have a drink or two with some buds.  bye for now!

Well to some people this may be a surprise that i have actually took some time to put some words down instead of just reading everyone elses LJ :) well here i go.......

This year so far things have turned out to be really good. I got promoted at my work to supervisor (good), i recently purchased a new SUV (really good), i also have recently rekindled my relationship status with the ex-girlfriend (very good) and well i am in the process of moving to another apt with 2 bedrooms with a roommate (some what good but do-able).

I have been really project oriented on some furniture that i had bought at a garage sale last summer. I stripped all the paint from these dresser drawers, sanded them, primed them, now i am slowly painting them, and finally i have to shop for some nice knobs to finish the project. So far i think i have done a good job with it. After this project, i am going to do a desk that my computer is sitting on. I am pretty excited!

The days have been getting warm, and that makes me pretty happy. Cant wait to play outdoor once again........

well i gotta go to work now, hope everyone is enjoying there day.

Well, i am just here at home alone. My mother came over to visit my cat, because she loves to play with him. So my self-esteem is a little shot, being that my cat has more visits for him than i do for myself. I think its just funny. It was great having my mom over for a little while. When i am feeling the winter doldrums its nice to know that i have my family around still to chat and give me a reality check on how not lonely i really am. Although i do feel lonely, its primarily because i wish i had the great companionship of a lover who i can rely on knowing that somebody loves me the way i want to be loved. The love of my family isnt enough for me. Since i can remember it so greatly. The feel of being "loved" by somebody special, feels soooo good and breath taking. Thinking back on the people that loved me in such a way, is sooo depressing because its probably love that i could have still had, being that if i  wasn't such a train wreck to ruin them each time. Sometimes i think to myself, "what the hell is wrong with you!""why did you end this relationship" I could admit that, before, i had a commitment problem, being as young as i was. Growing up a little, changes my perspective on things. My last relationship shouldnt have ended. I still long for that one. I miss her so much, but now, she doesnt even want to really see me anymore. Not even as a friend. I can understand, i was the heart breaker, but i never was a cheater. I broke up for reasons of my own that didnt involve another person. I wish she gave me a second chance. Selfishly its not fair! The whole irony about is that she told me she still loves me, but she knows that there isnt going to be another chance. Thinking about that eachtime just knocks the breath out of me. I am such a good fun loving person, why does this happen to me. I guess it can happen to anybody really, but i really wish for once in my life i could turn back time exactly one year from now. Because then, i wouldnt have made the mistake that drive me crazy now.  I know it seems that i am rambling, but its more than that, i'm venting. I dont know if she will ever be replaceable. I don't know if i want to replace her. I just want her. But realisticly shouldn't have no objection to any new people entering my life, it's just hard to cope with the past. It's hard to move on. It might be the right thing to do.

you lifestyle is so wrong, where in the hell do you belong

i want to understand you, but you don't let anyone lay a hand on you

you don't like to talk, you don't like to let out your thoughts

it's hard to know if you are true, to the ones around you

trust isnt even an option anymore, because maybe i think you are a whore

the atmosphere isnt what's cold in the air, it's the heart that is stored in your flesh

what's next for those around you life or death...........